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Parents Disagree

What to do in cases where each parent has different parenting style? It is one of the most frequently parents do today or in the family even when it is believed is best for the child that a parent set limits (which are confused with authoritarianism) and the other given the affection (confused with permissiveness). Do you think will happen to that child? Who will listen? The answer is simple: any suits or who at that time.

When parents disagree, everyone thinks he's right about the way how the child should be educated, then you are caught in an eternal struggle, trying to prevail over the other style, the message is: "I know what is best for our child, not you. " As a result, it creates a climate of constant chaos at home, where children learn ways to communicate based on intolerance, disrespect, inability to dialogue and difficulty solving problems, resulting in emotional instability that reflected in the behavior of children.

In daily practice, conducting a survey among some parents about the area in which generally have difficulties to agree, most agree the following points:

• Limit setting

• Money Management

• Permissions

• Hours

These problems are exacerbated in families of separated parents, where in some cases (not all) places the children in the middle, and both parents begin to attack motivated by resentment and far from thinking of the children's own needs is superimposed using children as shields to the attainment of its goals. This definitely is more harmful than you can do to a child, because no child or adolescent THE WORLD WANTS TO BE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DISCUSSIONS OF THEIR PARENTS.

If this happens we would be good to ask: What do we really educate our son or beat the other?

What every child needs is to have parents sufficiently strong, stable and mature, capable of solving their problems through dialogue in order to guide the lives of their children during childhood and adolescence because otherwise suffer the consequences of their disagreements.

The Million Dollar Question: What to do?

This is not meant to be 100% agree on everything, because we all have different ways of thinking, but if we can:

• LISTEN TO UNDERSTAND. Children learn how to listen with empathy, standing in the shoes of another, if we provide the right model for how to do.

• Manage our emotions. Remember that we are emotional and behavioral model.

• DIALOGUE TO GROW: Where Mom and Dad can take agreement prioritizing the needs of children.

• INSTEAD of blaming SOLVE. All conflicts can be solved now, does not mean that all solutions to our liking. In order to find an equitable way of resolving the conflict the key is to negotiate and reach an agreement, of course, this should be in private, outside the presence of children.

• RESPECT. If we really want our children, then it is reasonable to NOT hurt, so we avoid confronting them with the aim of finding an ally. Remember that children love both parents and if they could choose, would opt for the harmony between them.

• UNANIMOUSLY AND SECURITY. The children must perceive that parents make major decisions together, or play table tennis with the limits on the time you feel unsure of the authority.

No matter, disagreement with parents, not if they are married or divorced, if they live together or apart, which affects children, is the way how to resolve their differences and express their emotions towards the other and with the other.

 

Based Education Troubleshooting

Many parents who use Punishment as a disciplinary measure to educate the children, think that is the solution to the problem, however, forget just that: educate children in TROUBLE.

TECHNICAL ATTITUDE

• Children who misbehave are children discouraged, because not considered unimportant for the family to get away from punishments that humiliate and discourage help.

• Children do things better when they feel better, it makes no sense "Where do we get the absurd idea that in order for children to improve, you must first make them feel bad?"

• Errors are excellent opportunities to learn. Bad behavior is a bug that will help them find a new way of behaving.

• Works to improve, not to achieve perfection. Instead of focusing on the mistakes we focus better on their small breakthroughs.

• Use the firmness and kindness at a time. Although I love you, I do not like what you're doing, so the answer is no.

• Focus on convincing the child rather than win. Not about a power struggle between parents and children is help them become better people.

• Focus on long-term results. When punishment is used, the child learns skills, learns that he has more power can subdue others.

• Find solutions, not culpabilices. Are the solutions that make things better.

• Understand the meaning of discipline. Discipline is not synonymous with punishment, the true meaning of discipline is to educate.

• Treat children with dignity and respect. Only way to feel and behave better.

• Children listen to you if you first listen to them you will. If you listen, they learn to listen.

• Look at the message behind the misbehavior. The goal of misbehavior is attention, have the power, revenge or prove inadequate.

• Give them the children the benefit of the doubt: It is better to know that we are on his side.

• A break to light: The stop and think, retire and relax, can help us see problems from another perspective.

ACTION TECHNIQUES

• Make sure the child receives the message of love and respect. The misbehaving child is the most need to hear that you want.

• Let the child develop perceptions that is significant and accepted. This help him discover his abilities and value them.

• Do not do the things kids can do alone. Help them feel empowered and develop responsibility.

• Ask questions like "what" and "how" to help them reflect. For example. What happened? How do you feel about what happened, What have you learned from this?, How can you use it for next time?

• Involve children in the solutions. This will accustom himself to solving their own problems.

• Make sure that children solve problems in pairs. He leaves two children who have had a problem or a fight with these rules: do not blame and focus on solutions.

• Establish routines with children. If jointly involved in the design of any activity (eg, bedtime) will be more willing to carry it out smoothly.

• It offers limited options. When we give children the freedom to choose, have more motivation in compliance.

• Say: "I realize." If you see that the child has not done anything, p. for example.: picking up toys, it is better to say: "I realize you have not picked up your toys" instead of "Have you picked up your toys?"

• Show the differences between what children feel and what they do. Should be allowed to express their feelings (these are real and we should not deny them), but disapprove its conduct (this itself can be prevented or corrected).

• Supervises, monitors, supervises is a necessary tool especially for younger children.

• Distracted and / or reoriented: Instead of doing something is better to ban them or guide them say what they can do.

• Use the 4 R to recover from errors:

o R ecognize that has made a mistake,

o R esponsabilizarse of what has gone wrong,

o R econciliarse (asking forgiveness) and

o R esolver (seeking a solution).

o Take time to teach.

• Encourages rather than give rewards or praise. Encourage children leads them to self-confidence while praising makes them dependent on others.

• Embrace them.

• Dedícales time.